Correct one fault at a time. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Here, have a carrot! If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Check it out now! What did the duck say to the golf ball? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. Its just really hard to play. 5. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? I like big putts and I cannot lie. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Jack Benny. Boo who? Clubbing. 3. 3. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. If you break 80, watch your business.". A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Lee Trevino. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? Find the ball. Intercourse! To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. 6. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. You hit down to make the ball go up. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. There are no absolutes in golf. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. 9. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. Nay! The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. If we . Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. 21. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Please add a link to this article. Don't dirt your soul. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! Whats the difference between golf and sex? So what are you waiting for? Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. had to choose, right ? After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. Sam Snead. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Wodehouse, 31. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Whos there? I'm Tiger Woods. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. Andy who? This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Bruce Lansky. Photo: Shutterstock. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. Toggle Navigation Menu . Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. And there are windmills. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. 1. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. Golf?! Originally posted by raffa nunyez. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Golfing? The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! Its almost a law. 3. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. I am a Musician. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. Why do golfers hate cake? Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. 4. Fantastic 4-some. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Your email address will not be published. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! At the golf corpse! The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. You are signed up for our newsletter! A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Dirty Golf Sayings. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. You need to adjust your grip. They dont have the heart for it. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. 5. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. 5. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. He was puttering around. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Required fields are marked *. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". About 160 yards was his reply. I was off to-day! I was actually enjoying it. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. They have been there where we are standing now. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Wash your balls. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! Noah who? Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? The right place is right here with me, in my bed. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Big pupils lead to big scores. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. Knock, knock A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Why not! Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. All lip, no hole. For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. 8. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. Because it would interrupt their tea time. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); You okay with that? You swing left and the ball goes right. Knock, knock Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Two, be your own person. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. What is a golfers favorite bird? "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". A fan in the crowd said Mr. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. 2. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? The battle that raged inside each players head. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Clubbing. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. 3. If you break 80, watch your business. The end. Please sign up with your best email address. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. Everyday I'm Schauffele. Learn More. Always keep learning. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? Golf is a lot like life. Putter Around. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. All the fans are gone! We share them in our weekly newsletter. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! I am Jimmy, clown at heart. What do golf and sex share in common? In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. He attacks it. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. 6. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Their expectation, however, is very different. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Oh my God, what have I just said?". I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. Which is the easiest golf stroke? Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? Twelfth son of the Lama. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! To find a man's true character, play golf with him. The lowest score wins. Nothing. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." I chipped in from the rough! The smile looks really good on you. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. Their fore-fathers! Are you looking for some funny jokes? Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. 2. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." Noah. A hole in one of a kind model. Go to the golf course. I like big putts and I cannot lie. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". But you cant just forget not to think. Knock, knock 1. 3. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? What do you call a blonde at a golf course?

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