In-dough-structible aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Fish Food. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? But yours is.. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). Killed bin Laden. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. Caller: Do you have his right number? P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. "They're all mine. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. 6. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. This site contains affiliate links. Its a NO FLY zone! As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? Officer: Soldier. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Where are you from? Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. It was sheer brilliance. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. OHH OHOH! The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. A military captain saying I was just thinking Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. 28. Me: No, I dont. Did you make it all by yourself? A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . He then made his way to my side. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. He is the Founder and . My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. 49. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. We are directly under the moon.. ! Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? So I quit ordering it.. They all originally set out to become Marines. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Yes, said the lieutenant. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Caller: Is Sgt. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. Aeronautical Humor. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. Unless you can be Batman. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. What do hungry Marines eat? The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. ", 55. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Fish Food. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. . Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. 9. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Whats an LMD? I asked. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? They cant seem to string three Ws together. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. Semper Pie Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It took the poor guy all day. (pointing at the sky). 38. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Eternal Piece If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. Yes, she said. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. 4. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. Rodrigues there? "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Long Haul How tough? The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 46. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. with someone braver than you.'. A friend paid my mother a visit. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. 17. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. He says, Anyway, enough about me. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Military 3. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. March forth! It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. 1. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. 36. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? I say again, stand down and divert your course. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. We were a tough group. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. This happened several times times throughout the flight. Attention! When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. I was the cook.. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. The Lasting Supper But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. Altitude is life insurance. The Army will post guards around the building. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. St. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. They throw out a pistol. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Only one. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. A LOOtenant! Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. Even his son turned up. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. Aircraft Engineers 1. 32. 12. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. We were a tough group. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience Me: Still the wrong number. Caller: Is Sgt. The Blonde Fighter Pilot Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. This is really good, he said. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Did you hear about the big accident on base? Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. I'm impressed! One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Caller: Sgt. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Caller: Is Sgt. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Speed is life. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. 13:30 comes and goes. She also liked her scotch. Read more. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. 14. Did it work? My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Rodrigues? and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. 3. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Reply: No, I say again. ! Again, no reply. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. Later, I spoke with Mom. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Ocean Pearl, I answered. What does ARMY mean to you? Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? Its where we park the helicopters.. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. He needed COVER! What did you do? 9. 54. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Marine: Wait, stop. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Decodes 7. 27. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Why Do We Celebrate It? Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). 'Never fly in the same cockpit. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before.

Giovanny Gallegos Parents, Rioz Birthday Special, Articles M