Should I ask her what our sex future will be? There is a lot more going on there. Copyright 2023 Older Adults Technology Services, Inc. All rights reserved. You cant really blame her, can you? I like the martyr thing, but its no B.S. When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? You can bring up your feelings about the importance of sex in your relationship so that she knows and can let you know what she has the capacity for. Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. This is probably not the case between a wife and husband who have lost a level of intimacy in their relationship. But I do like your advice, dont waste time with them and take whatever you can get now. Suddenly it all makes sense. I totally understand your story. She always had 2 orgasms before me. He is 69 (as am I) and weve been married 39 years and for him sex is a thing of the long past! So I disagree when people say leave the marriage as soon as the sex stops. She even stopped expressing affection such as hand holding, goodbye kisses, etc. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can improve your sex life tremendously. Self-love is the answer, but you can help, too. If your wife wont have sex, it could be that she just doesnt feel close to you anymore, and the idea of being intimate makes her feel too vulnerable. But when I try to go to the next level. I finally asked him he said I was crab and mad all the time, I have a lot of pain and take a lot of meds sometime, and yes I am very unhappy with my life, but I try to hid it. Life is tough, and tougher knowing you are not going to get laid. It makes me sad, and we have talked it out and sadly there is just too much sadness and pain in our relationship for this situation to ever be resolved. What to do about it: Similar to any other health issue, it's important to be compassionate and supportive of a partner struggling with mental health. I dont want to sleep in separate rooms or even separate beds. Its strictly psychological as I have no problems when alone or watching porn, which she is totally against. Have affairs and visit escorts. Harley, I am doing none of those things. our sense of what is expected . We went to a number of therapists but none were able to help. Each year for three years, she assured me she would seek help from a wholistic doctor, which never happened. I actually stopped having sex with her last night because she told me to hurry up. Ive been accepting of her feelings and expectations. Ya over 40 years with out not a problem. I didnt even get a goodmorning after a month away. So not only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. That leads to I dont like you. I would be willing to bet the majority of men in our position have gone above and beyond to save our marriages, only to get a SELFISH wife to deny us to the point that we lose all our self esteem. You said, So my question to the men here. Related Reading: How To Romantically Flirt With Your Spouse? I suggest to you what I advised Frustrated see a therapist right away. You say you dont know if youre doing foreplay right. I knew I had to do something. We both have health issues Feel like I have him a lifetime!!! She has no interest in any positions other than missionary even though I love other positions. Why do men who want more sex end up insulting someone who has a pet? My wife and I have been a couple for 51 years (since 1971). For example, nonsexual touching, which includes kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding, can make people feel . Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit. Hello Will, Tried Testosterone replacement but it made me very sick and ended up in the emergency room with complications . I am a little older but want intimacy so bad. A pill? Cause it needs done. Since abstinence for so long Im wondering what will happen if a woman takes an interest in a 70-year-old man. When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. She basically views it as an immature fixation and that as a married man I should concentrate on more important things. During our engagement I made it crystal clear that my sex drive was high & she was the perfect woman to relieve it. As far as foreplay goes, either I dont know how to do it or she doesnt like to be touched unless she is in the mood. And somehow we have convinced ourselves sex has become less important to us as we age and replaced by the comfort of just knowing we love one another? When I have a follow up, with a surgeon next month, even though it is not cancer, I will discuss wether or not I should give up the vaginal hormone. If you go too directly and/or too soon to her vulva before shes aroused, shell likely just want to withdraw. As I mentioned before, the lack of physical contact can be due to a myriad of reasons.. Wow. Even before this, she told me she does not want to nor have any desire for sex or intimacy with me or anyone. On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. Also from a masculine point view primordial guttural sex that is still controlled contributes to female orgasim. Regardless of the reason your wife has pulled away from you, you must confront the situation. Is it something we should split over? I have tried to keep myself in shape, etc., and he is certainly in fairly good shape too. Instead of focusing on harmful sentiments like, What to do when wife wont put out? try to work on the issues you two are having. Sex for men is like passing gas or eating: its just a physical thing that needs to get done. While women understand that, men refuse to comprehend that arousal is complex for women. About 5 years ago (we've been married 29) she started not wanting me to touch her breasts as much and over time stopped letting me touch them altogether. Its been a slow process in development, heading to the place we have arrived in our relationship. I have always loved sex with my hubby, but after menopause, that all changed for the worse. Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves reported higher levels of intimate encounters and arousal. I am 62 years old and a healthy man with sexual needs. Ive moved on!!! I love her to death but cant stand to be around her anymore. Just feel I want to hide away as I know this is not normal . If the sex is all about you, its no surprise that your partner may not want to indulge in it. I realize that I really dont know your reasons for not wanting to be sexual with me whether it hurts you, or theres something Im doing or not doing. This is how civilizations are built. There is no excuse for boxing your partner in such a guilt ridden morally compromising prison. I am happy all the time, my hair is twice as thick as it was before, I had urge incontinence, which completely disappeared, it cut my knee joint pain in half, and best of all, I love sex again. She tricked me, I fell in love, we have 4 grown awesome me, the model relationship in our large family. I have many friends in this situation. When someone Denys you something so fundamentally important, it is Not Cheating to I would be gone before dark! Very true! Weve been married nearly 39 years and needless to say the last couple of decades I could have done without his aloofness. We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. I have had a suspicious breast biopsy. Save yourself it is merely self preservation. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. I just gave up. That was almost 50 years ago, I dont live in he house with her. If I spend time or money on them, I get ridiculed. I know that there are reasons for everything, hell it could be my fault, but it is just so frustrating. You were something OTHER. I told him if he didnt want a divorce, he should feel free to find date outside the marriage, and if anything serious developed, we would revisit the divorce option. Yet she constantly professes love. Let the in-laws or best friend care for your children for a day or two. It will only create more distance between you. interested in sex as they grow older but I find that to be true of men as well at least in the case of my husband! The problem with respecting a partner who doesnt want sex any longer, is that the other person who does want sex needs to be respected too. As a socialite in many women sponsored events, I believe her marriage status is important in her social circle than her marriage itself. I want to separate from my wife of 49 years. I mean how do you do that if your married? If shes not in the mood neither am I . I havent had a BJ for about 20years, my wife wont even touch my penis so a HJ is out of the question too. You work, cook, clean, fix, dont drink or do drugs! A lack of emotional connection can make it hard for women to establish physical intimacy, even with their own life partner. Knowing I will never be wanted again in that way by her or any woman corrodes my spirit a little more each day. Both Men and women slow down there sex drive but women sex drive is so on the back burner and frankly they dont care about mens sex drive needs. Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. I find that unfathomable. No one is talking about wives whose husbands are the one that doesnt want sex. // IMPORTANT: Replace EXAMPLE with your forum shortname! Go out and kill a hog, punch a younger guy in the face, ride a harley, do a steroid cycle. If it wasnt for this site I would had forgotten that the word sex even existed! Just do it to make her feel good. I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. I am 66 and my wife is 62. You can help by mediating such issues or chalking a way out of the problem together, to restore her peace of mind and bring back the passion in your bedroom. Shes been mostly dry since a few years before menopause. I am 53 and my wife is 55. I am starting to go to prostitutes is this wrong? If you are tired of initiating intimacy and are concerned that my wife wont touch me sexually, youre not alone. Many health issues can affect a woman's sexual desire, from diabetes to chronic pain conditions to cancer. about this, nothing will change. I want to get divorced and he refuses to accept that our marriage just simply was never a Marriage. He worked constantly on the mid night shift away from me. When women feel used and men dont ever reciprocate, of course they lose interest. Introspect a little and see how invested you are in her pleasure. We might as well bring up the time tested alternative. In particular, most women cannot reach orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse alone. Feeling this discrepancyor feeling like your partner is always asking for sex when you don't want itcan make the lower-libido person feel pressured into having sex. Ive got wonder if she really was just needing something to be mad at me for. So she still has a spark of sexiness ..but wants the womanizer. Over time, expressions of love change form and that unbridled passion can begin to dull down. I told her that I did not want that, That I only wanted her but she said she loves me but has no sexual feelings, it is slowly destroying me and I do not know what to do, she refuses to talk about it, will not spoon in bed and pulls away from any hug. :(, Wow Chris D!! Now both in our early 60s, she has lost the desire for sex and has pain issues as well. Men, if you want sex and the answer at home is no, you can accept that the last time you had sex will be it until you die. So our talking about this topic usually ends up in an argument or one of us so ticked off we could scream. Not once does he try to get her off, he just rolls over and goes to sleep. Yes, totally wrong. Glenn, as a man to another man; its time to let that person go. I urge you to seek help now. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4199300/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4555290/, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jmft.12282, http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2707786/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3807599/. She understands that its hard for me, but we both dont know what to do about the situation. The sex was great but found I was working most years 2 jobs, supporting the house hold 3 kids. Between her legs the next time.4, stop watching porn if you know this makes her feel uncomfortable as we all know when men watch porn that will lead into you not being able to get it up for her because you have been watching photoshops porn and all you want is that fake lady so you go out and cheat on your wife then come home and accuse her of cheating and thats why she is not having sex with you. I understand your pov at a level you may not understand (sorry) or appreciate. Ive always wanted sex more than she has, though the first years were pretty satisfying for both of us. oh Pamela, I hear you! That last sentence got my attention. Do we cheat and risk hurting our wives and husbands? I do not wish this upon anyone!!! To me, that is emotional abuse. I need to feel cherished, looked at and touched in a non-sexual way THEN when I feel loved and safe, I want to please my man. Outwardly to friends he seems a good husband, and he is BUT he will not have sex as he dies not fancy me anymore! I am Married 47 years, I am 67 she is 70. If the lack of interest becomes an ongoing pattern, consider any of the above potential reasons. I always talk to her and ask what turns her on. In all likelihood, you went the extra mile to dress up for her, look good, smell good and stay groomed in anticipation of getting some action. Around year 3 it was 1x week and that lasted another 5 when it became about 1x a week. Soon thereafter, she lost interest altogether and would reject me, citing we would schedule a weekend session which never occurred. If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for, Are You Ready to Start Dating Again Ask Yourself These 5 Questions, Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves, reported higher levels of intimate encounters, 30 Foreplay Ideas That Will Surely Spice up Your Sex Life, This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are, to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. The reasons behind why a wife avoids physical contact can range from marital discord to just being burned out, says Gopa. I was not going to reward her or fall into another hug with nothing more than a few seconds of holding, and then a push off. Maybe there are areas of your marriage to be worked on, maybe a little couples' therapy will make a big difference, or maybe it's time to consider whether this marriage is really worth holding on to. Sometimes I just want fuck all night long but the woman I love has no interest. If you didnt leave before the first kid arrived, you were in for a life sentence. Absolute rubbish! Ive been reading a lot about this and not come across anyone with a solution apart from no proper sex or divorce. No, I should say male divined WRONG! Frankly; its time to move on and out . I mistakenly intercepted several text He is a selfish person he is only thinking of himself. (You might want to share with her an excellent resource about responsive desire, Emily Nagoskis book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.). Start by losing the weight, shaving the body, washing daily, put some effort into youre own self and for Christs sake, clean up after yourself. She is intelligent and knows exactly what is going on. I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. Thanks Buck for being brutally honest, I can relate to it and know how much painful it is, seeing your wife everyday but I cant even hold her because shell embarrass me with a comeback that all I want is sex and Ill get humiliated and will just eventually die inside. I just CANNOT do things he EXPECTS from me because of how that makes me feel, ESPECIALLY when it comes to intimacy. Perfectly happy and have intention to change it. I do not want to out her to the family as they all adore her. Men provide protection, stability, and resources. I am 64 years old and I have not had sex with my wife for about 7 years, she is 59 years old. She believes relationships should be easyand that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. Why waste your money and time on hookerd? Fully. Frustrated. If your wife doesnt feel confident about her physical appearance, she may have inadvertently shut down your sex life. I am in your same position but from the other side I am a 64 year old healthy, active man. I love my wife dearly after 52 years and great grandchildren I would have my junk removed before I hurt my family and our long marriage is a point of great pride and example for these people God allowed us to have in our lives. Women arent suitable for long term monogamy. You are absolutely right, foreplay is an ongoing and wonderful thing, but for most women, after menopause, and the estrogen dries up, sex becomes too painful because of the dryness. I am new to this. If you think Im going to live the rest of my life without sex your absolutely out of your mind. We tried and tried to get them to call us but their mother has convinced them that I am to blame for our sons death. I look good for my age and am so tempted to look for another relationship. Amen. If divorce is not an option then get involved outside the home. Should I let him go elsewhere? Many of us could not conceive of divorcing because we have spent a lifetime waiting around to be shown once again that we are desired by the one person we have shared our lives with and still very much love. Obviously, if a person is feeling low and theyre feeling depressed, theyre not going to want to interact with others, theyre going to want to isolate themselves. I spoil her all the time. If your spouse has been going through such a patch, you must be a supportive husband post-pregnancy. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. Im so confused. Juggling household and professional responsibilities single-handedly is no easy feat. You need to talk to her and get to the root of whats causing her panic and anxiety whenever she gets close to you; when she feels comfortable and that whatever major issue there is, gets resolved, maybe your sex life will return. She is just plain not sexually attracted to me. Whats more, you are not doomed to be in a sexless marriage! **Women are constantly told to shut up and accept. But it also means were in a status quo that just isnt satisfying. Its always whatever you want then she lays there kind of tense. I work, cook, clean, fix I dont drink or do any drugs. 57mwm here. Sorry Mate. Men are not mind readers. Married a little over 50 years! Wtf are we supposed to do when our spouse doesnt want to make love? Less. /** Will, I dont see ruling the relationship and demanding that a wife relieve her husband, even if shes sore or unwilling, as a solution to anything except an unhappy wife. When home I was to do whatever he wanted me to. What to do about it: "You need to take the stress out of sex in three steps: Challenge your expectations, communicate effectively with your partner, and take the pressure off by using new physical experiences," Zimmerman advises. My advice would be to sort these problems out before the years pass and certainly before there are children as I think most men have a stronger sense of loyalty and decency than they are often given credit for and are willing to forgo what is a very primal need for the sake of a stable relationship. . The first and most important thing you should do if your wife is never in the mood is talk about it. No way! I am NEVER ENOUGH so why even bother? He snores so he sleeps in his own bedroom. Meanwhile, I encourage you to keep masturbating. At 20 years I did start having a partner on the side because I was very sexually frustrated and that partner within the same situation. None the less partners have to also accept it is something you dont get used to or get over. It is now marketers more to females also, which isnt improving relationships. I am 55, my husband is 59. I actually considered early in my marriage that my husband might lean toward being gay and thats why he was somewhat uncomfortable having sex with me. The gender doesnt matter here, but if you have trust issues, its eventually going to lead to resentment. She told me years ago that weve had all the kids were going to have, whats the point?. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. A sexologist is not going to be able to overcome a lack or imbalance of hormones. Friends and family say theres going to be a decrease in libido, but its been almost a whole year since she has even initiated anything, he added. contrasts what my Wife and her 7 siblings and and an unstable Mother made her as the oldest have us take in 2 of her brothers early in our marriage. 4. It is time to say, I am horny as hell, and I am tired of pretending I am not because I am over 50!. It might be time for you to be more responsible and let your wife have some me-time. Pamper her with a spa day or take her out on a nice vacation for two, to break the monotony and give her the relaxation she truly needs and deserves. Should they chew the food and pretend it tastes wonderful? Even to the point that when she gets sexually turned on it still causes her pain. My husband has showed be very no closen in for years. Your wife may not know how to put up her mom hat for the day and refocus on herself, which includes enjoying every aspect of her marriage. It's not about love - you love him, no question. She put in over $300K on our $1M house and I told her we may need to sell it when my youngest graduates high school. If that is the way you feel I will respect that, but I need YOU to understand and RESPECT my needs. Underlying medical problems Thank you, Harry. why is he grumpy? She chose to be sexless, so now she has another choice to make. Now its Im sore there. So our sex lives dwindled until around 15 years ago she realized a more regular sex life might be a good thing. Gopa explains how it can be detrimental to your physical intimacy. I appreciate there are many reasons MANY reason wives dont want sex and No one can or should force them to have to sex. I bet you think all men are stupid as well. When she was in the mood, my wife really enjoyed sex and had great orgasms, but that mood hit less and less frequently. No sex for about 20 years. She doesnt like the image she sees in the mirror and that quells any sexual desire within. It is incumbent on each of us, male and/or female to strive for the new, the invigoration, the secure, the calm, the exciting, the passionate . That never goes away for most women or men. (d.head || d.body).appendChild(s); You take care of you! She sleeps in the other room. Here is what the problem is when it comes to SEX. For many of us, male and female, the virtue of sex resides in the shared experience. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. If he wont go, go on your own to express your feelings fully and evaluate whether you want to be in this marriage and, if so, what can be done to improve it. Especially if you once had a healthy and active sex life. Our finances are so intermingled that to divorce means we cut our incomes in half facing either no sex or no home or food. But men also have 12-15 times more testosterone than women far higher sex drives and are capable of siring hundreds of times more children than women are capable of bearing. I understand women loss interest but still love there husbands and dont want a divorce and most of the time its the same for the guy, I just wish women would be open to their husbands having discreet affairs, not prostitutes just flings. I like to think there is hope but unsure. Good luck. If she isnt satisfied in bed, it could be that shes tired of initiating intimacy only to be left wanting. As I explained before on seniorplanet.org, spontaneous desire just happens, while responsive desire only happens after a womans body starts getting aroused. We feel just as frustrated that our actions are not recognized by our women. Counseling is usually the way out but unfortunately most people in a relationship dont want to go that route (or at least one of them doesnt). What to do about it: Remember that it's OK to not want sex with your partner sometimes. I was married for 24 years. Arthritis: No Cure, But Ways to Ease the Pain. I am desperate. Hey Mike, I dont think you need a woman, I dont think drugs and orgasm are the best ways to deal with the pain dealt to you by the tragic loss of your loved one. I do not believe love will demand it as a duty but love also doesnt hand over the relationship to the destructive forces and temptations, The older I get the more confident I am Life is definitely funny. and hugs when one of us leaves the house. This isnt one of those seasons things, she believing a lie from the devil to her, to destroy your marriage. Be gentle and calm when you bring it up. Who knows, maybe something will change as nothing stays the same. That was then and she is gone now. Well a few years ago sex began to get less and less. 1. Foreplay doesnt start in the bedroom, foreplay is EVERY day regardless if sex is on the table or not. For me and many others, this is a serious problem and we are, well, desperate for solutions. It all goes to show that marriage is worthless and now even worse because there is no sexual obligation. For me my wife has me feeling guilty and hesitant and re framing from touching her in any way. ), then it's worth her talking to her doctor. She wont talk about it and claims she desires no intimacy. The last time we had sex with lubrication, she complained of pain and suggested that beyond a few minutes, she was not interested. Not you at all by the sounds of it. I think it was William Shakespeare who pondered what an irony it was that desire usually so outlasts ability. Ive considered a fuck-buddy, but I cant do that to her. As we age we need to look at things with a different perspective. Dear, PS Bishislife, So I cheat. Addie,maybe we should trade spouses.lol.im in the same boat you are.i love to get intamate and hug and kiss and cuddle.my wife 0.unreal.she told me the other day she dont even like sex anymore after we had it.how nice to say that.unreal. State your case, either put out or leave me get some on the side, because you dont care. Be patient with her as she works on herself, and the two of you refocus on your marriage. So in summary, WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS IN THIS KIND OF SITUATION? !, so we better act tough, ya know! At least the replies here seem to reflect this, noting that the opposite can and does happen. Jack- SHe aint lost brother. I was faithful to my beautiful redhead for 27 yrs, and I never got tired of making love to her. BIG mistake. Wow!!! It is more than frustrating it is emotionally and physically painful. He feels unwanted or unappreciated. After 35 years, I want to be with my wife more than ever, not less. If the husband happens to be insensitive, it ruins the relationship. Invariably, its a case of emotional intimacy missing. Wish she would just say so. I can easily live without sex, but I cannot live without love. This isn't a tit-for-tat sort of thing, though. If your wife never initiates physical contact, it could be that horror of horrors you may be bad in bed. Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy go hand in hand. A lack of communication may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. i do not want to go outside the marriage so i guess living with the problem is the. And its been going that way for years. In the end, she doesnt want it and I have stopped caring.

Michael Hutchinson Wiki, City Lights Publishers Assistant, Sandy And Holly Fayetteville Parole, Marlboro East Kilbride Menu, Relic Hunter Sydney And Nigel Relationship, Articles M