And because I told people that I didnt want to talk about it, eventually, they listened. It just takes work; maybe lots of work, but you can do it! I dont want him to sit around being a lonely old grieving man as he has accused me ..but since he asked for my opinion of this relationship so soon (and really wanted my blessing)I stated to him and his lady friend.that I felt he owed my mother more respect than this. People grieve in different ways, but we all experience the pain, the hurt, the sad images that will haunt us probably for the rest of our lives, (it will get better ) the isolation, the depression, guilt, loss of direction, the anger, and the acceptance of what happened and the hope that things will be better in the future. Currently, Alexandra is in her first year of business school at Stanford's Graduate School of Business. Its lime he has not only moved on, but he no longer wants anything to do with anything that had to do with his marriage to my mom, including us kids. He met a nice lady this spring. I need to be there. she said. However I was not angry with my mother whenshe start dating. Her daughter came to stay when she was in hospital and then had a falling out with her mother over something. I dont want to be old and alone. What is wrong with that? Know that even if they fumble over the right words to say, or text you a meme when you were hoping for sincerity in that moment, that they love you, and are trying. My Mom was known for wearing rings, and instead of asking my sister an I and his grand daughters and great granddaughters about them. People of all ages show complete selfishness and display the behaviour sometimes associated with petulant teenagers! In fact, I caught him with tears in his eyes at one point and I couldnt help but wonder if he was thinking about my Mom that night. For (mostly) financial reasons, my brother and I are still living with my father while we attend college. How to raise chickens? It is his companion and we are happy for him but just wants more and more. We were surprised, but happy for him if he was happy. Well, Im happy to have found this forum even though there are old entries on here, i hope maybe one person will read my experience. I didnt want to but I thought Id try to be nice and meet her. If she wants something, she gets my dad to call our house. I mentally slapped myself about the head striving to gain acceptance of my terrible situation. He has been spending a lot of time with my aunt my moms sister. He can have a lady friend. My mother wasnt cold in the grave! 6 Things Time passed, and my sister and I asked when the party would be so we could plan accordingly. I am not ready or interested in meeting her. I love my dad but this is not fitting well with me, as he never once called my Mom angel or anything like that. It seems like people only understand this sort of thing if theyve experienced it themselves. I am not casting doubt on this woman or saying she is financially motivated. So I accept it or lose my Dad. The AC has only one mother, so there could never be a threat. My mom died in April 2015. I am on-line trying to find information and guidance on how best to reconcile my love for my daughter, the need my boys have for a mother figure (they absolutely love her by the way), and how to explore the possibilities of a life with this woman. It is also the mother of a friend i had in elementary school. We are just trying to cope and move on but Ill tell you, it was way too soon for us. He was 91 and still healthy. But you get the gist of it all. This felt like my father was purposely hurting my mother and myself along with my brother. Sometime in your life, your own children may be going thru the same experiences that you are going right now. My mom passes away last July. She is in the relationship for selfish reasons. I am sick to death of reading on all these grief websites that life goes on, no one is expected to spend their life alone, blah, blah, blah. He watched as she ruled the roost, assaulted, unplugged the phone and did all she could to be top dog and see his family pushed away. Try to do everything that you reasonably can in order to offer your mother a sympathetic ear. #pov after my mom died my dad wants to move to the city. I still live at home (student loans, yay! She claims there is nothing wrong. Anyway, I am furious about this entire situation. How do I make peace with no longer having a relationship with my father and his lack of relationship with my daughters? She thrives on it. She is constantly at my house spending the night for days and even up to a week at a time staying at my house. My Mom and Dad befriended a lot of people in the neighborhood and attending every event and were really enjoying it. Nothing, not when , how, where, why, nothing. So how, after your few months of experience, do you think yourself qualified to predict your feelings years into the future? Im not frail, fragile nor naive. My fathers house is about 5 minutes drive away and even less from my sisters home. My mother had remarried after my father passed, and now it's just my step-father and I. I know how you feel. She just needs a little help with the deposit and setting up furniture, and then she'll be able to take over cleaning and dusting on a daily basis without you. What if the resentment comes from the girlfriend? NTA. Our only choice would have been to cut our losses. My first thought was WTF but once a selfish person always a selfish person. She lives in Florida so he traveled there a couple times to visit her- and he talks about her and her family and is very happy- which is great- but has done stuff with her family and grandkids, that he would never do back home with us. Second verse, same as the first. Sometimes youre sailing smooth, and sometimes you get stuck in the mud. may take time to adjust to a new woman in their dads life. I now know that he would make the same choices again as he proves on a daily basis. I wont even go into the details of how he is doing EVERYTHING for this woman that my mom always wanted him to do and he didnt. My dad starts seeing a woman from his work THE NEXT friggin day, I hear them have sex the first week after mom dies, this has been very traumatizing to me and my grieving. Please take the focus off of yourself and try. They found out she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer and that she was near the end. How short-sighted and petty is that? I dont care how old I am, him or her. So sent him pictures etc. You spoke my thoughts exactly! I came to pick her up from the airport last night and she was just a mess. I quickly looked at my dad and told him that her body wasnt even cold and she hadnt been cremated yet. When my own father passed away in July 2018, after a seven year battle with multiple myeloma, a cancer of plasma cells, it shifted my notion of grief. For us, when my dad died, my mother was grief-stricken for almost 10 years afterwards. Dont ask me why as I could not tell you! I just listened and said nothing and asked if he was done and then I asked him about his day. She formed a social bubble with my sister and her daughters, so they enjoyed Sunday dinners together. He was 43 years old, and left behind his wife and four children, who, at the time, were 21, 18, 14 and 10 years old. Be the first to know what's trending, straight from Elite Daily, 13 St. Patrick's Day Drink Recipes From TikTok That Are Pure Gold, I Tried Jeni's 'Ted Lasso' Ice Cream, & These Biscuits Are Life, Tour All The 'Daisy Jones & The Six' Filming Locations IRL, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. He just doesnt get it.. Thinking of you and understanding where you are at! She just really did not know what to do and spent a lot of time just Drifting about. When she gets upset, she doesn't eat, and really the only reason she cooked was for my dad and us. Its not like I want to be angry or that I want my dad to spend the rest of his life in mourning. First Id like to say to Curious that I dont think there is a specific length of time that makes it ok to date after a spouse dies. Does he not realize how incredibly hurtful this is to me? That i dont respect that she doesnt like the shampoo i buy her or the hand soap. Ive tried ignoring it and being the bigger person always doing her dishes, then she starts moving in more on my house putting her mark everywhere and being home all day in my grandma house. And on top of everything that was going on with my mommy, my dad and i hadnt been getting along for a couple years now. Hes now decided to let his girlfriend move into our family mountain house. I know it is 2017 now, and I too have lost my mother and have a 76 year old father who was comforted by a lady 10 years older than I and 10 younger than he, but no one can really understand the pain that comes in seeing your father with another woman after 55 years of marriage. It made a HUGE difference and was probably the single biggest thing besides time that helped her move on. My mom died suddenly from a pulmonary embolism 2 1/2 years ago. It was a memory of my father that I had all but forgotten, but was so quintessentially him. I live you but I don't live this entitled attitude. But, his actions have alienated many family members including me. You could try writing a letter from yourself and your sister because he would have to read it and not interupt or threaten. She's had this stability for three decades, she's forgotten who she even was without him. Go grocery shopping with her cook with her go see the movies. I am not even over grieving the loss of my mother and I feel I have to be the strong one and accept this new faze in my life. After all, his needs werent being met. I was sitting with her overnight when she passed away, and cannot get the events out of my head from what happened (no matter that the grief counselor I have seen says I should be happy because from what Ive told her, she didnt suffer like others I have heard of). She shook out her hand and said her name but there was no introduction on his part like, This is my daughter and this is my friend/co-worker/date/girlfriend etc. So I sat there the whole concert wondering who the heck this woman is. Recently dad has been in and out of hospital with weird symptoms and shes telling people I dont care about my dad bc Im not by his side for all of it (Im in another state and I have a job, a husband, and a 18 month old). after So, I told him that were no longer a part of each others lives. That is NO EXCUSE for these newly widowed people to act like teenagers in their first love affair after their wife dies. The picture he showed me showed a beautiful girl that looks about 19. The house that he and my mom picked out before she got sick. This is exactly how I am feeling right now. Its like Im an afterthought. So they let her and that made her happy. He had made plans to go out with a group of people and asked what I thought he should do I think he was nervous. I am married and living about an hour from my parents house. She is currently separated from her husband and when they met she was in the process of selling her house. Both sons are married, one lives locally and one is in another state. I find it completely disrespectful and so demeaning to my moms memory. Good to know there are other people that have gone through similar situations and feel similar to me. They deserve to be happy. After reading some of your posts, maybe I should just let him go on with his life and let him go.or pretend I will get on with the program and be polite when I meet her and leave it at that. he sold his home and moved into the womans house. HE IS GOING YO BUY A HOUSE IN THE PHILLPINES.AS FAR AS I KNOW HE CANT OWN THE PROPERTY IN HIS NAME ,HE HAS JUST PAID FOR A FUNEREL ONE OF THIS LADY COUSIN. I visit every other day alternating with my sister. He has called me several times, but as time passes it's gotten less and less. He said, Absolutely not. I miss my dad-and mom-so much. My moms hospice nurse Judi became friends with my dad shortly after my mom passed and he called it just friends. Everyone grieves whatever amount is right for them. She and my father hid the severity of her initial diagnosis of stage iv for almost the entire illness (until it was undeniable). Things were going back to normal, & we had both gotten jobs since being laid off. I told her that my sister and I need to be alone with my dad from time to time. This hurts on so many levels that I cant even begin to explain. Were you able to predict how this would feel? Once my sister and I got married and moved out, she continued cooking for my dad and her and wed pick up the extra sauce and meatballs to have during the week. He is depressed because he has been abandoned by her and takes it out on me. In the summer, I helped him clean out my moms clothes.
